Code of Conduct, Respect?

I supervise a staff of twelve ladies in a state office. I have had a lot of issues with respect and support from my past Director so I have not really acted as a "Supervisor" and allowed the gals to have some control. We now have a new Director and I thought I would be able to start to stand up and act the Supervisor role, but in doing so it has not turned out too well. I am very much a softy and have been very kind. I am just trying to act the part of "supervisor" now. I have one gal who wants to be Supervisor and really tries to do anything she can to stir up contention directed towards me and without much support from the new or old Director is doing a pretty good job. HR supports the Director so that is not really a source. Specifically one recent incident was one gal in ping walks by and says to me, " the secretary has our supplies but I can't get them, you will have to find someone else. So after stewing for a few minutes this is what I emailed her, " Thank you for informing me we have supplies in, however; next time could you please talk to me more respectfully. Maybe something similar to "the secretary informed me that our supplies are in, I am working on something that does not allow me time to retrieve them, would you like me to find time", or "what would you like me to do", rather than just informing me and flat out telling me you can't do it, find someone else. I understand putting a procedure in place will solve this particular incedent but that is not the point here. My question is this, what opinions do you have on this particular incident? Is this insubordination, and what level of insubordination is it. Unfortunately, this gal went to the new Director and I did not get backed up too well. Our office has really had issues with this type of stuff for a while now. This Director is new and is aware of the issues. Is all I did was send a simple email to this gal, did not even carbon the Director. I did however send a separate email to the Director attaching the email exchange with my employee, asking her if this was acceptable? I also let her know that this gal may come to her and I hope I have your support. She did not respond to me. This turned into a big deal, with most of my staff being upset with me and setting aside time to hold a meeting with this new Director I am not sure exactly sure what was said in this meeting, but I don't think she supported me too well. The Director is not communicating with me very well and I think I have expressed my feelings pretty well to her. Is what I am asking for is feedback on this entire situation, and also a good website that has a code of conduct that is very specific in describing the meaning of respect.